Uncertainty

You know when you're a kid and grown ups ask you "what do you want to be when you're grown up ?" For me that answer was always along the lines of an actress. But it's not untill you grow up in the reality of the real world that shadows of doubt come. Most call this doubt negativity or reality, essientially clouding your dreams and is a barrier to what you truly want. I'm realising this currently. For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to perform. It's partly the thrill of being on stage, playing pretend, mainly the reason I want to become an actor is to make people happy with my performances. Letting the problem filled world float away and putting all their focus onto what is happening onstage. It wasn't untill I saw my first musical, Mary Poppins in 2010 that I realised I wanted to do musical theatre. 

FLASHBACK 

I went with my school and during the finale Mary flies over the audience she flew up to the back of the theatre, where I was sitting and she stopped mid air for about 45 seconds , she looked at me and it gave me this feeling of enchantment and bewilderment that I just can't express in words. 

FLASHBACK OVER 

It is that same feeling that I want to give to the little girl sitting in the back of the theatre. That's the reason I want to act. 

Will I do anything immoral to get there? No way in hell. I will however get to be on a stage. It may take me years of hearing the word NO! But I'm confident in saying there will come a day where that casting director will say Yes. But for right now I'm unsure of what to do.

 I'm doubting my own intelligence. I'll admit it I'm not the most mathematical person. I can do simple Maths and maths that really applies to the real world .I'm not the greatest at Ancient history, I love learning about it but I hate analysing it. Unfortunately the board of studies don't care about how much I love agrippina the younger ;they care about how well I can evaluate her legacy. As well as use condradicting sources as evidence. The results of this, for me personally are making me doubt if I can even have my back up plan. I have 2 subjects that I absolutely love; drama and entertainment industry. I work hard at both because they are my main interests and I get results . Not to say that I don't work at all of my subjects. I just seem to only get results in drama and entertainment. I think I'm scared about joining the real world. Becoming an adult is scary. So do I really want to be an actor when I grow up or do I want it because I'm not smart enough for anything else? 

Let me know if you have any similiar thoughts 

Twitter:Beepopx

xoxo Belle 

Here I go

Hi, 
I'm not really sure on what to write on this first post but I've read enough blogs to have an idea on what to write. For the purpose of this first entry I'm May just tell you about myself. 
Here we go

My name is Belinda 
I'm 17 and I'm in my final term of high school 
I live in Sydney, Australia  
I love my family, my friends, theatre and travelling 
I have one sister who is 6 years older than me. 
I sing, act,write,dance, read and tell really bad jokes. 
I'm very active on social media (if you call trying to pick up guys with bad lines on twitter active) 
My aspiration and passion is to be onstage. I don't really care how I get there as long as I get to be a professional actor giving people happiness. (I will probably do a whole blog post on this later) 

Why did I decide to start this ? 
In all honesty I have wanted to start a blog for a long time and I thought why not now? I want to document my final term of high school, now that I'm about to enter the real adult world with all it's scariness and I want to share my inner thoughts and feelings about becoming an adult, saying bye to my childhood. 

That's really it for now. I think I'll try and set a goal and post once a week. Let's see how this goes if I don't get any readers then it's only a benefit for me, I can look back at this in 15 years time and see what i was doing at 17. 

xoxo Belle